Tips for Changing Limiting Beliefs Into Empowering Beliefs

The foundation of everything that makes you who you are is built on beliefs. Beliefs are the thoughts and ideas to which you have made a commitment to support, whether consciously or unconsciously. They represent a collection of assumptions and attitudes you have formed as a result of life experiences. Unfortunately, some of the beliefs we form, especially about ourselves interfere with our abilities to excel. In this article, I provide you with specific tips for changing limiting beliefs into empowering beliefs.

5 Main Sources for Developing Beliefs

Tradition - It is very common to see beliefs perpetuate through families and other sociocultural systems. Have you ever heard a young child make a negative comment about a political candidate? Children may not be old enough to understand politics, but they do understand that one is better than another because their parents said so. It is through family and cultural tradition that the basis for a primary belief system is formed. Social culture, family bias, and societal prejudice are extremely influential.

Authority - As with tradition, early beliefs are adopted from people who have perceived authority in our lives. In addition to our parents, they can be people like teachers, religious leaders, physicians, lawyers, etc.

Association - Often times, we adopt the beliefs of a particular group with whom we associate. This is particularly true of adolescents who are starting to push boundaries in an attempt to self-identify. These beliefs may run counter to the traditional beliefs they adopted early on, or they may exaggerate those beliefs. This is the reason many parents try to guide their child's choice of friends. Positive influence results in positive behavior, and negative influence results in negative behaviors.

Evidence - As we mature, we develop critical thinking skills that allow us to understand cause-effect relationships and to rationalize with the use of logical thinking. This method for developing beliefs can be extremely influential in terms of developing positive or negative beliefs. Learned helplessness is a belief that can come following persistent negative outcomes following a particular behavior. You may come to believe you have no power or influence in creating the outcome itself.

Revelations - Some people attain information though a feeling or sense about something. If you ever find yourself saying you have a gut feeling, a hunch or an inkling about something, you are forming a belief through subconscious means or possible through your developing intuition (sixth sense).

Limiting Beliefs
Limiting beliefs are the beliefs we hold about ourselves or others that interfere with our ability to excel and succeed in any given faction of our lives. In Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), limiting beliefs have been grouped into three major categories: hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. Such limiting beliefs are often expressed through language and serve as an accurate representation of a personal belief system.

Hopelessness - My goal will never be reached under any circumstance.

• I'm hopeless in social situations.
• It will never work.
• I will never succeed.
• I can't change-it's in my genes.
• I'm just unlucky.
• I'm no good at...
• There's no point in trying.

Helplessness - My goal can be achieved, but I lack the ability to achieve it.

• Why does this always happen to me?
• This is a man's world.
• I always attract the wrong people.
• Everyone is out to rip you off.
• All people are out for themselves.
• I always get it wrong.

Worthlessness - I don't deserve to achieve this goal because I'm not good enough.

• I have no confidence.
• I'm worthless.
• No one would be attracted to me.
• I'm a fraud at work.
• When I talk, people get bored.

Language patterns, such as those described above, not only reflect limiting beliefs but also serve as reinforcement to those limiting beliefs creating a powerful negative thought cycle. The best way to break this cycle is described by Robert Dilts, a well-known researcher and trainer of NLP techniques.

Reframing and Changing Beliefs

Joseph O'Connor & John Seymour wrote in their book, Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People:

Beliefs are an important part of our personality, yet they are expressed in extraordinarily simple terms: if I do this... then that will happen. I can... I can't. And these are translated into: I must... I should... I must not... The words become compelling. How do these words gain their power over us? Language is an essential part of the process we use to understand the world and express our beliefs.

The good news is that language is also a powerful tool for changing limiting beliefs into empowering beliefs. In NLP, this technique is known as reframing. The truth is that the content of any experience is whatever you choose to focus on. The meaning can be whatever you like.

Reframing is a simple, yet very powerful tool for changing and attitude or belief from negative to positive. A simplified version reframing focuses on two primary types: Context Reframing and Content Reframing.

Context Reframing - is a process that requires to you change a negative situation into a positive one by requiring you to consider more of the context. For instance, if you tend to have road rage because you hold the limiting belief that all drivers are idiots, a driver that cuts you off while changing lanes might push you over the edge. In this situation, your focus on the context is placed only on the point at which the incident occurred. If you expand the context and consider the possibility that the driver is in a hurry because a loved one is being rushed to the hospital. This changes the context forcing a change in the limiting belief.

Context reframing is very helpful in situations that arise suddenly and are out of your control. Looking at an event from a different perspective can help you stay calm and reduce your stress level. Opening your mind to possibilities other than the one that first pops into your head is the secret to context reframing.

Content Reframing - is a process that can help you become a less negative person in general and can open the door to new experiences. It involves changing the meaning a situation has for you. Politics is an example of the art of content framing par excellence! Current economic figures can be taken as an isolated example showing up an overall downward trend, or, as an indication of prosperity, depending on which side of the political fence you sit. Similarly, high interest rates are bad for borrowers, and good for savers.

Advertising and sales are two areas where content reframing is critical. Products are put in the best light possible with the intent that people will associate the product with a particular state. For instance, using particular laundry detergent means you care about your family.

To reframe the content of an experience requires you to open your mind to new ideas. For example, if you hate to exercise it might be because you had a negative experience in the past. Perhaps you twisted your ankle while running. Because you had a bad experience you might have framed all types of physical exertion as negative. To reframe that perspective, you need to imagine a time in your past when you actually had fun being physically active. Recalling such events will help you to associate the idea of exercise to a positive experience rather than a negative one.

Empowering Beliefs

Changing limiting beliefs into empowering beliefs requires the development of self-awareness. The first step is to identify a limiting belief. You may be surprised at how many you have! Don't try to change all you're beliefs at once. It will likely take some practice to become aware of a limiting belief and then reframing it into something positive. Like any behavior, practice makes perfect. You'll recognize them more quickly and easily, and consequently, you'll be able to reframe more effectively. At first, it might be helpful to write them down when you recognize them. As you make your list, you might be able to see a pattern and identify the category of limiting belief (hopelessness, helplessness, or worthlessness) to which you're more prone. Alternatively, you could have limiting beliefs that cut across all categories.

The process of self-awareness and change is not always an easy one. The benefit will far out-weigh the pain when you begin to feel the change that results from your change in beliefs.

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6 Powerful Ways to Enhance Your Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem arises when we're most vulnerable. Verbal cues are learned at a tender age and last well into a person's adult life.

During these formative years, the child's mind is impressionable. If subjected to emotional abuse, they're likely to assume this role as their main identity.

Life is challenging and being exposed to criticism makes it unbearable, especially when one is in a state of anguish.

We're unaware of what's lurking beneath the surface of another person until it's too late. We're only exposed to their facade, so it makes sense we treat everyone with humility and respect.

According to Freud, The Iceberg Personality Principle states that 90% of a person's constitution lies beneath the surface. Therefore, what takes place behind the scenes of others is beyond our awareness.

"Self-esteem is a concept developed by American psychologists to measure self-worthiness. Thus, we can conceive worthiness as the temperature and self-esteem as the thermometer," states author Mario Martinez in, The MindBody Code: How to Change the Beliefs that Limit Your Health, Longevity, and Success.

The following principles should strengthen your self-esteem. We must embody them at a deeper level, past the conscious mind for it to be of any use.

As you carry them out, your wholeness will emerge beneath the rubble of a fragmented past. This is the essence of who you are and your low self-worth is merely a story you adopted against your better judgment.

You are not defined by your thoughts, your beliefs or values. These are qualities you possess and are changeable with time.

1. Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance means to embrace who you are, replete with your flaws and insecurities. There are two sides to your nature, so you cannot be imperfect. To draw attention to your inadequacies awards them energy and plays down other significant aspects of your character. Think of it akin to pain in the body. When you have a headache, your awareness is directed to the pain in your head. You are less aware of other body areas because of the intense pressure that commands your attention. Similarly, to focus on your imperfections is to draw awareness to those areas while downplaying other enduring qualities. Despite low self-esteem, there's equal balance in your ability to empathise with others. Harmony is upheld through other traits, but when we focus on the lesser ones, we weaken others.

2. Reinforce Your Self-Belief

Self-belief is a muscle that requires constant reinforcement. Those with an empowered self-worth attribute it to a strong self-belief. They're aware of destructive thought patterns and on the occasion negative self-talk emerges, they avoid engaging with them.

Look for evidence in the past where you've excelled. Develop an inner dialogue of kindness and empathy. You've heard the expression, become your best friend. Treat yourself as you would a family member or a loved one. Current research in self-compassion shows we're more likely to be happy and fulfilled if we nurture ourselves, instead of treating ourselves unkindly.

"You can learn to trust that there is a sane, wise, and nurturant resource within you. In fact, the more you know what you really want, the less desperately you need it. This happens because your self-esteem, confidence, and clarity grow," affirms psychotherapist David Richo in, The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them.

3. Focus On The Present

Move your attention out of the past and refuse to focus on prior failures and mistakes. When you're stuck in the past, you bring unhappy memories into the present moment. Come back to your present experience by staying engaged in your current surroundings. The past is a figment of your imagination because there's no evidence to suggest it exists now. If I asked you to show me your memories, you would be hard-pressed to do so. Instruct your mind to stay present when it stumbles into the past. Take regular walks in nature and observe your surroundings. Note the colour of the trees, the grass or something that grabs your attention. It might be momentary, yet it engages you in a present state of awareness.

4. Undertake Self-Improvement

Self-improvement helps you reframe failure by seeing it through the eyes of opportunity. You realise there are no mistakes, only ways to evolve. Together with mindfulness, self-improvement is a means for you to mature into a greater version of yourself. We're constantly evolving, so who you were a year ago is not the same person you are today. Your thoughts, attitudes and beliefs change, so you need to renew your commitment to self-development every day. Consider it taking care of your mind as you would your body. It requires work and discipline to become a person of character, so don't take short-cuts or assume it's not important. I assure you, if you don't invest in yourself, you'll see the consequences when life falls apart.

5. Develop Mindfulness

Be aware of your predominant thoughts by noting their themes and cycles. For example, are they self-sabotaging, negative or neutral? Reframe such thoughts as they arise and refuse to accept them as real. Thoughts are meaningless conversations that take place in the mind. You needn't pay attention to the incessant chatter because the cycle of thoughts come and go. To identify with thought forms is futile because your mind is an ever-changing oasis. Focus on the silent gaps in between your thoughts through meditation. As you become acquainted with this practice, you synchronise your thoughts with your breathing. This allows the mind and body to harmonise with one another, creating a peaceful physical state.

6. Create Empowering Beliefs

Examine any outdated beliefs and be willing to write a new script to enhance your self-esteem. Beliefs are formed long ago and may no longer be relevant, so revise them often.

Empowered individuals constantly review their beliefs and challenge their thoughts. They refuse to be drawn in to the inner dialogue taking place in their mind since they recognise it's a battle they seldom win.

The process of enhancing self-esteem can be a slow, yet fulfilling journey. It may take years to become a person of strong character, so don't be dissuaded by that. An aeroplane can go no faster to arrive at its destination. Wishing for more self-esteem without doing the work, will not draw you closer to the person you wish to become.

Be kind and gentle with yourself as you increase your self-esteem. Observe and make incremental changes when things don't go as planned. This is a learning and discovery process as it is about self-development.

Author Guy Winch states in Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt, and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries, "Failure has an even greater impact on our self-esteem. Many of us respond to failures by drawing damaging conclusions about our character and abilities that seem incredibly compelling to us at the time even when they have no merit whatsoever."

Instead of judging yourself, pay attention to what is taking place in your life. Avoid labelling thoughts since this has a negative effect on self-esteem.

View yourself through the eyes of equanimity and self-compassion, instead of criticism and guilt.

Afterall, you're learning to develop a new inner dialogue that may have taken years to build, so be gentle with the process. The changes are subtle at first, but more concrete over time.

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